Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
