Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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