I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
