I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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