Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
