So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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