I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
