Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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