Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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