I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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