he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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