We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
