Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
