I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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