how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
