I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
