so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
