her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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