i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
