On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Acid is not a monday night drug
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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