mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
