omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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