dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize