1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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