As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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