well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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