I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
this boner is exhausting
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
