I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
