We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
