he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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