Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
