I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My dick has a subreddit
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
