Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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