Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
