Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...

(703): View more from Virginia

oh

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(248): So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine... (703): oh http://tfl.nu/2rig

Replies (10) Good night (787) Bad night (3098)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck

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(413): Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck http://tfl.nu/rnye

Replies (5) Good night (1273) Bad night (3488)
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(925): View more from California

While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."

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(925): While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me." http://tfl.nu/vnft

Replies (42) Good night (7891) Bad night (1786)
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.

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(780): He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done. http://tfl.nu/315y

Replies (19) Good night (4217) Bad night (2525)
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(314): View more from Missouri

You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night

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(314): You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night http://tfl.nu/nbdz

Replies (13) Good night (1525) Bad night (4298)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.

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(978): Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen. http://tfl.nu/nx95

Replies (10) Good night (4049) Bad night (799)
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(815): View more from Illinois

I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".

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(815): I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock". http://tfl.nu/fz13

Replies (25) Good night (4895) Bad night (1120)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.

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(337): The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe. http://tfl.nu/7igq

Replies (11) Good night (2912) Bad night (594)
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(716): View more from New York

I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day

(1-716): View more from New York

Eh. They balance each other out

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(716): I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day (1-716): Eh. They balance each other out http://tfl.nu/9dcn

Replies (6) Good night (969) Bad night (442)
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(410): View more from Maryland

Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots

(1-410): View more from Maryland

Cant promise that last part. I won't die though

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(410): Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots (1-410): Cant promise that last part. I won't die though http://tfl.nu/qr7s

Replies (1) Good night (1093) Bad night (408)
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(971): View more from Oregon

I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."

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(971): I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob." http://tfl.nu/bamh

Replies (4) Good night (344) Bad night (600)
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(253): View more from Washington

So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter

(1-253): View more from Washington

Wow, he seems so solid

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(253): So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter (1-253): Wow, he seems so solid http://tfl.nu/880c

Replies (7) Good night (1434) Bad night (315)
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(408): View more from California

Dude, that was like bongs ago.

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(408): Dude, that was like bongs ago. http://tfl.nu/4e28

Replies (1) Good night (665) Bad night (226)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.

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(307): She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse. http://tfl.nu/k440

Replies (9) Good night (1018) Bad night (234)
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(916): View more from California

She's not a foreskin expert like you

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(916): She's not a foreskin expert like you http://tfl.nu/02y6

Replies (0) Good night (233) Bad night (460)

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