My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.