i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
