I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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