You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing