im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.