Can i not drive my cunt home
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.