Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.