I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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