New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Enjoy the penises
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
