he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
