We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
