When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Randomize
