Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I AM VODKA MAN
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
