Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
