It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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