How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
