im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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