I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
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So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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