we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just forgot I was standing up.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
