Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
