She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
