My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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