Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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