I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
