Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
false alarm, still single
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
