i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
