Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
