I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
pray to the hookup gods
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
