It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
