when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
