Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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