Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Randomize
