If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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