Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
