Who did Billy Mays play for?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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