I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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