Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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