I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
