Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
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