"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
