Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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