i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
