I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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