Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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